Top 5 Things To Do to prepare for divorce mediation

Divorce, even in the most amicable cases, is almost always difficult. However, divorce mediation offers a less stressful and low-cost alternative to courtroom litigation 

In divorce mediation, a neutral third party, the mediator, facilitates discussions about different aspects of your divorce such as property division, parenting time or other issues, to help you and your spouse craft a divorce settlement agreement that is mutually satisfying. Divorce mediation is more informal and quicker than divorce litigation and couples who mediate often enjoy greater harmony post-divorce.

If you and your spouse decide to use divorce mediation, you will want to be prepared so that you feel confident that the process will be as smooth as possible. Thorough preparation will decrease the time spent in mediation, decrease the emotional toll of divorce mediation and decrease the chance of unwanted conflict during the mediation process. In short, when you are prepared for mediation, you increase the chances of a successful final result.

Here is a checklist to help you prepare for your divorce mediation:

1. COME TO AN AGREEMENT TO MEDIATE 

Divorce mediation is not the right choice for every couple. You are a good candidate for divorce mediation if you are able to agree to mediate, are honest with each other, and are willing to sit down with each other, listen to each other and work together to create a plan for your family’s future. Agreeing to choose divorce mediation is the first step you can take toward a peaceful, amicable resolution.

2. GET IN THE RIGHT MINDSET

In addition to getting your finances together, getting yourself in the right mindset for mediation is key. While you will have control over the results of the mediation, it is likely that you will not get everything you want, exactly how you want it. Mediation requires flexibility and open-mindedness. Mediation takes time and patience and the process can be physically and emotionally taxing. Your mindset will help you get through the mediation process with greater ease. 

Holding onto a grudge or havING a negative attitude, will interfere with the mediation process. While it is normal to have strong feelings about your divorce, and while making important decisions can feel painful, stay focused on the goals of mediation. Remind yourself that the alternative to a successful mediation is litigation which is much more costly financially and emotionally. Remember, if you have children, you will likely have to work together for years to come. Mediation is a good time to set the stage for future interactions. 

Be ready to discuss the major issues related to your divorce:

• Marital property division and debt allocation

• Retirement accounts division

• Financial support, including spousal support and child support

• Parenting time

• Insurance coverage

• Future communication

• Future changes to your agreement

• Anything else that is unique to your family that may need to be addressed.

3. GATHER ALL FINANCIAL PAPERWORK AND MAKE A LIST OF YOUR ASSETS AND DEBTS 

In all divorce proceedings, California courts require you and your spouse to complete an Income and Expense Declaration and a Schedule of Assets and Debts. Your mediator will advise you about the forms you need and how to fill them out. If you have your financial documents on hand, completing the required paperwork will be much easier.

During divorce mediation, you and your spouse will be making decisions about financial obligations and property division. Before coming to agreement, you and your spouse must have a clear understanding of each of your financial landscapes. While gathering all of the documents necessary to prepare for mediation may seem overwhelming, doing the legwork right away goes a long way toward simplifying the mediation process.

You will need the following documents related to your assets and debts for divorce mediation:

• Current bank statements for all accounts

• Current statements for any investments, stocks or bonds in your name or your spouse’s name

• Current statements for any accounts you have on behalf of your children

• Currents statements for any pension or retirement plans

• Copies of your most recent pay stubs or other statements related to your income or joint income

• Life insurance policies

• Information regarding any disability policy owned by you or your spouse

• Information about any vehicles you or your spouse have, including the Vehicle Identification Number and the fair market value of the vehicle

• The value of any businesses both or either of you own

• Current credit card statements

• Documents related to unpaid loans, including mortgage or home loan statements, student loan statements and vehicle loan statements

• Documents related to any pending lawsuits

• Statements related to private loans - written or verbal

• Information about any other debt owed by either you or your spouse, or both

• Tax returns from the last two years, including personal and business tax returns

• Documents related to estate planning, including wills or trusts

• Documents related to any marital contracts such as pre- or post-nuptial agreements

4. MEET WITH PROFESSIONALS FOR GUIDANCE 

While the mediator may be a lawyer, therapist or other professional, during the mediation, the mediator acts as a neutral third party and does not offer legal, financial or any other advice. Before signing a marital settlement agreement, you may want to consult with professionals such as an accountant, financial planner, lawyer or therapist to help you make decisions about your post-divorce future. 

5. PRIORITIZE YOUR CHILDREN’S NEEDS 

It is likely that your divorce will impact your children, but putting your children’s needs first can mitigate the negative effects of divorce. You may want to keep a picture of your children in front of you during mediation to remind you that their needs are the priority. 

When parents are able to communicate and work together post-divorce, children recognize that they are loved and know that both parents want what is best for them. When making decisions about child support and parenting time, consider how those decisions may impact your children and make decisions based on their needs first.

FINAL THOUGHTS

While preparing for divorce mediation may seem daunting, the mediation process is dramatically simple compared to litigation. If you prepare thoroughly and have an open mind you will be glad you chose to end your marriage using divorce mediation.

If you are considering divorce mediation or you would like more information about preparing for divorce mediation, contact Dr. Corey Hirsch at (310) 486-8842.