GRAY DIVORCE: What You Need to Know About Divorce after 50

Even though the United States saw an overall decrease in the number of divorces over the last several years, the percentage of gray divorces, or divorces for people over 50, has almost doubled since 1990. People are healthier, living longer and often want to enjoy life rather than staying in an unhappy marriage.

It might seem like a later in life divorce may be easier because kids are out of the house or for other reasons. However, the dissolution of a long-term marriage may present unique, and often unexpected, challenges. If you are thinking about a divorce later in life, here are three things you may want to consider.

FINANCIAL ISSUES

While the division of assets and debts during any divorce can be complex, in a gray divorce, the division of property may be even more complicated. For example, older couples might have accumulated more assets over time, including real estate or retirement funds. In addition, since gray divorce occurs later in life, you are closer to retirement age, when earning capacity or disposable income may be decreasing. 

California is a community property state so you may think that dividing assets in half should be easy enough. However, taking that approach may not always be the best solution. 

For many divorcing couples, the family home is the most valuable asset. Couples divorcing later in life may have additional assets or debts such as retirement savings, pensions, life insurance policies, Social Security, investment holdings, stock options, real estate holdings, and other investments or debts.  

GET CLARITY ABOUT YOUR FINANCES

At the beginning of the divorce process, California law requires you and your spouse to fill out and share financial disclosures which contain information about all of your assets and debts - essentially a list of everything you own and everything you owe. Writing down a list of all of your assets and debts may be a good way to start as you begin to prepare for your divorce. 

California law also requires that you and your spouse complete an Income and Expense Declaration which will help you understand your post-divorce needs. Use your past bank and credit card statements to calculate an average of your monthly spending. By doing so, you will have the information you need to create a post-divorce budget and also to negotiate a settlement. 

LIFESTYLE CHANGES

Division of property in divorce means that you are splitting one household into two. Often, one of the main considerations is the disposition of the family home.

The emotional costs of making decisions about where to live after divorce can be high. Leaving the family home, where you may have raised children or made family memories, may feel devastating. 

While you may think that you want to stay in your house, you may change your mind. You need to consider whether staying in the family home is best for you post-divorce. Can you afford monthly mortgage payments? Do you qualify to refinance the home in your name alone? How will you feel living in the family home after you are divorced?

During divorce, you are splitting one household into two, which may mean that not only will you likely be downsizing, but your lifestyle may change overall. Your relationships with your children may shift as everyone in your family adjusts to new family dynamics. Your social life may change and you might need to make adjustments as you get accustomed to your life post-divorce. 

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

Sometimes divorce can feel a tremendous loss, and, for some, divorce may feel like a sort of death. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. If you find that grief is overwhelming or you need support, reach out to a mental health professional. 

As much as divorce represents an ending of a time in your life, it is also a time for new beginnings. You may make new friends or choose to explore new interests as you begin your life with a different perspective.  

As you move forward after divorce, you may experience a multitude of emotions - fear, excitement, anger and sadness. All of these feelings are expected, and they are also fleeting. With a positive attitude and meaningful support, you can live your life after divorce with a new sense of excitement and opportunity.

If you have questions about gray divorce or divorce mediation, reach out to Dr. Corey Hirsch by calling (310) 486-8842.